|This is Tony Hawk||This is me|
As you can see, they are not the same person.
Tony Hawk is an American whizz kid skateboarding champion, whilst I am a startlingly good-looking British male model. So why the confusion? Yet, each week I receive email from young people from all over the world congratulating me on my skateboarding prowess and asking advice on how to do various manoeuvres.
Below are some emails I have received and my rather mischievous replies. My replies listed below them.
U r teh uber seckzorz
U r sew good at skating
I rally just wan be lyke u
How much do u make in a centurysz?
You can have my Audagraph just as soon as we can get it fixed and running properly. As you will be aware, the Audagraph is a complex piece of machinery and needs constant oiling and I'm afraid that I have been rather remiss with this of late. As for your ambition to 'live in Beverly Hills' when you grow up, I urge you to begin the growing up process forthwith.
Im a fan of yours becuase my friend called Chris knows you.Do you know him?He lives in london.I live in england,melton keyens.
From a fan named James
There must be some mistake. There are no people in London called Chris. I went out all day yesterday and asked around. Very disappointing. No 'Chris'es at all.
Perhaps you've got me mixed up with the Uruguayan politician Chesney Hawkes?
tony my names william i was wandering if you could find me some cheats for "Tony Hawks pro skater 3" because i have tried some websites and i cant find any that work soif you can do that i'll be ever so grateful thanks
The best 'cheat' is to go to a store, find Pro Skater 3 and then leave the shop without paying for it. If they catch you, just say that I said it was OK.
PS. Remember that prison life can be hard.
I must make this clear: I am not your biggest fan. I don't know you from Adam, and the chances are that if I did, I would still find you a somewhat unimpressive figure.
If there are any extra broads going - then I shall keep them to myself.
Karla, age 10
Last Thursday at 4.30pm
Karla, age 10
Last Thursday at 4.30pm
Ages. Air traffic control made me circle Heathrow for forty minutes.
I think you are cool, and my sister does too. Would you teach me some tricks? I really want to become a good skateboarder. How do you make a half-pipe? How old were you when you started skateing? How old were you when you learned how to do a kick flip? Do you ever come to Meigs County, Ohio to a skate park called Skatetopia? If so, would you let me know the next time you plan on being there.
Your biggest fan,
My, what a lot of questions. For answers, see below.
Q: Would you teach me some tricks? A: No
Q: How do you make a half-pipe? A: Take a whole pipe and cut it down the middle.
Q: How old were you when you started skateing? A: None of your business
Q: How old were you when you learned how to do a kick flip? A: I'm not telling you.
Q: Do you ever come to Meigs County, Ohio to a skate park called Skatetopia? A: No.
Q: If so, would you let me know the next time you plan on being there. A: You can rest assured, I shan't be there.
Now, there you are. Still like me? I doubt it.
bye, you're biggest fan in the whole world
I'm no angel but I have standards. And one of them is not showing 'ate' year olds the ways of being a man, and what to do with their manlys. Sorry.
I don't answer gay questions. Especially from girls. It wouldn't be right.
Yes, I have some tips. Lean back more and keep your elbows in.
U rok da bom 4 reel.
I like tony hawks underground.I skate myself and i must say i cannot ollie.How is it done?Cheers for reading.
I like the way you finish your mail. 'Cheers for Reading'. At last someone else who appreciates this much maligned town. Reading is a wonderful place with an excellent one way system, efficient libraries, and a number of fine grass verges. On top of that, it is well-served by the M4 motorway, so it has easy access to places which are much, much nicer.
av seen so many ppl like u n ur all tink u own da place!
y do u make ur games so gd? shame bout da man bhind them!
rite bk soon ur biggest fans lewis n paddy
ur work is very gud and i bet the pay is gud to
u should do more thing with bam u to r great
can i have ur autograph please
a budding fan
What does that mean? Budding fan? I'm not interested in budding fans. I only want contact with people who have got all their budding out of the way and are ready to be fully fledged, committed fans.
Please get in touch after you've successfully budded. (Best done in a dark room with a glass of water standing by.)
will you ever retire from skate boarding
how hard was it to do the 900
who is your favorit skate boarder
? This is a question mark. Don't be afraid of it.
Now answers to your queries:
Will I ever retire from skate boarding?
Only when I can slide along on the thing without falling off and bashing my knee.
How hard was it to do the 900?
Quite hard. Especially since around 750 of them said 'no' at first. I needed to be very persuasive.
Who is your favorit skate boarder?
He's dead now, but it used to be Harry Secombe.
I would like to know where you were born, what made you want to become a skateboarder, what type of education do you have, and what did you have to do in order to become so well known????? Etc.,etc., etc. ......
This will really help me with my report if you will answer my email. Thank you soooooooooo much!
I think that your Elementary school is clearly too elementary.
you are better than mat hoffman!!!!
IF SO, WHICH CITIES.
ps. my mom makes me sleep in a drawer.
Please clarify what the difference is between 'da world' and 'da whole wide world'
I like your songs, particularly driftwood. Just out of a matter of interest, is your skateboard made of driftwood? It would give that song new meaning more me if it was.
My name is Johnny Webb.I live outside Vancover at ***** Street,Surrey,BC,.
I am eight years old and I would like to have a poster of you.
Please can you tell me how much it will cost.
THANK YOU from Johnny.
Posters come in at two prices. Exorbitant: @ $455, and Bloody Extortionate: @$17950.
Glue or Blue Tak is extra.
I look forward to receiving your lovely lolly.
I LIKE YOUR CHARACTER I AM FROM MALTA AND I AM A SKATEBOARDER
I feel a bit cheated really.
I've stopped turning tricks since they cleaned things up around Kings Cross.
You probably wouldn't want to know what the trick was.
ME AND MY M8 JAMES FINK U R A GR8 SKATER AND SUMDAY WE WANT TO BE LIKE U. WE R THE VEST SK8ERS AROUND. MY NAME IS ANDY. PLZ WRITE BAK
What do you mean when you say 'WE R THE VEST SK8ERS AROUND'? What is a vest skater? Is it cool to skate in a vest?
I' a beginner at sk8ing and I was wondering if you can send me a deck of one of yours because all of my friends say that all of the boards that I like "they suck" but if I can get a board from you they will say it won't suck because you are my anti-drug!!
I'm afraid I cannot accept that I am your 'anti-drug'. I'm not even your Auntie Doug. (She was a funny woman.)
What a fab name. More people should be called Ralphy in my view. But not so many that it became really confusing. (One in eight would be more than enough)
Re the vairl flip; here's what to do.
1) Lean forward holding the egg in your left hand
2) Recite the poem at considerable volume
3) Lean back
4) Throw up
5) Apologise to those around you.
It's always worked for me.
We should hook up some time. You seem exactly my type of guy. It would be nice to sit down over a sherry and discuss Proust, listen to poetry and do the odd 'ollie' if the fancy takes us. I'll be in touch.
Here are the answers to your questions.
1) I have 2 skateboards. One for each foot.
2) I am 84 years old.
3) I have been to no skate parks, which feels like the correct number.
My nephew Nicky loves skateboarding but refuses to wear the safety equipment when he does it outside of the skateboarding parks. I would appreciate it if you let him know how important it is to wear the safety gear. He just turned 11 years old. I appreciate anything you can do to persuade him to be safe when he is skateboarding.
It's always a good idea to wear a condom. I always do, certainly when I'm outside a skateboard park. I shall try to persuade your nephew to do so, but since I don't know who he is - or indeed where his, it'll be tough. Fingers crossed though.
Mark and Andie
I am delighted to learn that saying something as superficial as 'no worries dude' can leave people convinced that I'm a great chap. Things have generally picked up for me since I started saying that instead of 'piss off and leave me alone.' I guess you live and learn.
sandwiches to watch a film isn't necessarily going to help you lose the
You're a very bossy young man, aren't you?
I just wanted to say you and your son were awesome today at the Tony Hawks boom boom huck jam!
Good luck to you and your son by the way, I hope your son grows up to be pro like you!
You better watch your son cause all the girls might go for him he is a cutie but too young for me!!!
Always Jessy 14 years old!
PS- I've always been a big fan to you and always will cause I wish I was as good as you!!! Is a flip a good board to start out with?
Good name, and so much better than 'All ways Jessy' which has unsavoury connotations. Thanks you for the kind words about me and my son. I have to confess I was unaware that I had any male offspring, but there you go - you learn something every day.
Look forward to meeting you at the next 'Tony Hawks Boom Boom Huck Jam'. These are proving very popular and they are a lot of fun to host. I'm particularly pleased to see that this time around home made marmalade sales were up on last year's event.
Can I send you some cheats for TH3? Well, no, not really. I have no address and no inclination.
Secondly, you say that you have bought it for your cousin and yo poo stain. Well, I don't know how to react to this. But it doesn't sound good. Have your cousin eat more solids.
They are my favourite Tony, which weaves itself far over other higher indications such as Blair, which the strange involved one involved in this involvation, but the type of orignal you are, the Mr. Hawk best. Can you teach me as the kind, among them monospecial complete it all levels certain revolutions, without falling again to the fraud? I would like to know likewise, which good indications of a carrot hardened. Thanks in advance well at you the Mike
Stop taking drugs.
hey d00d u r the coolest sk8R ever! I know you probly get told that 10x a day, but I had to say it. anyway ill get to the point. Can you sent me a new deck? I just brok mine and my mom wont get me on :( :( so can you! thanx!
Re sending you a new deck. What kind of deck do you want. Teak or mahogany?
PS. I wouldn't thrash your ankle any more. Let's face it, that's a silly way to carry on.
Conceal the six of spades up your sleeve.
In my experience you cannot get a flexie board to make a skateboarding ramp. It doesn't matter how much you shout at the bloody things, they simply will not respond. The bottom line is - flexie boards are just no good at making things. Tradesmen are a much better bet.
What is better a long board or a short board?
A long board if you're cutting a big loaf, and a short one if you're mainly dealing with scones and such-like.
I don't think you do want to be like me - because if you were like me, you'd be irritated by people who write sk8r instead of skater. It doesn't really save any time and it's ugly on the eye.
See you L8r
If you really want to be just like me when you're older you'll need to undergo considerable surgery.
How do you do kick flips?
I am a 15 year old high school sophmore. I want to learn how to do a kick flip. Can you give me any pointers? Thanks.
What a bugger! I just gave my last pointer away. Sweet little pup, nicest one in the litter in my opinion.
i b staking like a mother foker yo man can you tell me how to ramp of my house bcuz i want to be real cool like your game and it is cool your game is cool. wat is it lik e to be the collest skatborder on the planet. Yo man i played your game and it is the coolist. I can grind but i bet that i kant grind like you can. what is the secret to cookin up the best olly?
your man yuppy
I'm sorry to hear that you are staking like a mother foker - this must be most distressing for you.
TH (The collest skatborder on the planet)
(P.S.please write back)
I'm sorry, but I don't believe you.
Glad to hear that you are going to get the T.H.U.G. game. I am very proud of it. I am also pleased that you are going to get it for Deffinent. Deffinent is a nice lad, and people very rarely get him presents. Well done.
how do you grind?
p.s. what happens after you complete it?
thank you George age 7
I am not surprised that you aren't tall enough to get past the egg plant on the cell block roof. You are only seven years old. My advice is that you wait till you're fifteen and then have another go.
After you complete the challenge your life just becomes a void, so I wouldn't hurry.
iam your bestest fan and i would like an autograph from you i respect you and your abillities to sk8 and fuck all the sons of whores who badmouth you fuck them all i sincerely hope they suck cock in hellnow back to why i love you you can 900 you invented skateboarding you invented the kickflip and you frontside grabbed kickfliped and frontside flipppped the wallenburg that was coll i saw it in the globe opinion video and i saw you in the girl skateboards video Yeahright also i wanted to ask you if you could help me get good ive been skating for 3 years and have failed to ollie i fall all the time and i need your help i was told to ollie you put your frontfoot on the noose and your back on the tail and then press on the nose then the tail really quickly any way mail your tips
Many thanks for your kind remarks. It's always nice to know when one's work is appreciated by peers of the realm.
I have been skating for about a year and the boys at the skate park think i am stupid and think i should be doing dancing or something what do you think?
I think they're right.
I playing ur game and see dat you don't look the sam in the games as you site. i tink you are hott. do yuo wear a mask? i think you are the best. i can olly and on my skat bord i can also do an olly bone-to-bone cornbread. i want to know if you can cum to howse and jump on my ramp and then we go for ice-creem and walk along the beech and wach the sun set.
irie love Billy Sixx
p,.s can u make a rollerblading game so is can play too games and not won.
If I came to your house, jumped on your ramp and then went for an ice cream and a walk along the beach to see the sunset, you have absolutely no idea how much trouble I'd get into.
cool u pleaze provide me with a crack 4 ur game? you
you really rule a lot!!
I would happily supply you with some crack if I could get hold of any.
PS. I don't rule that much. Only in Ecuador and a small island off Denmark. (I like to think of myself as a benevolent dictator)
Could you let me know what your email address is again.